Five Things I get a lot.

99% of the time when I can't be fucked to get a haircut, that is how my hair looks. Sometimes longer, sometimes more extravagant. I spike my hair, I spend a good portion of my morning putting copious amounts of hair glue into it. 

So the first time I heard this magical joke, I forced a smile, saw the humour and continued about my business.

I now get this about 400 times a fucking day from the least original people in the world, it's either the finger in the plug socket pun, or "Oh it looks like you've had a shock".

Yes. I electrocute myself daily, just to compel myself in your hilarity. Christ.

I'm not going to lie, I can't blame people for thinking I'm gay now. I have a lisp, which for some reason seems to be common among the gay community. I wear pink a fair bit, I have a heart tattooed on my left arm, and on top of that I walk, talk, and probably dance like a gay dude. Plus, I look good 99.99% of the time. 

Hell, just today I was walking to work, pink shirt, pink headphones, heart tattoo poking out of my short sleeved shirt, High School Musical blaring. I absolutely screamed metrosexuality. 

Still looked pretty good though so hell, let people think I'm gay.

Bit of trivia for those of you who read my blog and don't personally know me.

Plymouth is a small city in the South west of England. We are notorious for sounding like farmers it seems, for now this is all you need to know. I've lived here for my entire life, I have never spent more than two weeks in another place. Plymouth is all I know.

But everybody seems to think I'm either incredibly well traveled or just happy to stay in Plymouth after living my life in a possibly nice place.

It's always the same script too.

"........Where abouts are you from then?"

"Errr... Plymouth"

"Oh really, all your life?"

"All my life"

"Oh that's weird, you look/sound like you come from [Insert country here]"

"Noooo, I get that enough weirdly, maybe I've got a twang I guess".

This isn't me making shit up, the conversation genuinely goes like this, in fact here's a list of the countries in which people have honestly asked me that I come from in order of how frequent the location is.

New Zealand

Australia

Italy

Greece

Spain

Sierra Leone

The New Zealand and Australia confusion is at least, a weekly occurrence apparently I either have that plucky islander look to me, or just talk like I'm from that part of the world. In fact one night I drunkenly walked into a customer and I shit you not this conversation happened.

"Ohhh it's you! [Insert my place of work here] boy!"

"Ahhhh hello, how are we?"

[Small talk]

"So where abouts are you from? You're not from Plymouth are you?"

"Nope, I grew up in Auckland, moved over here when I was seventeen".

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY WOULD I SAY THAT?????

Now I'm stuck in a situation, I can tell her that I drunkenly got bored of saying I lived in Plymouth all my life, or keep up this act of me being a far from home New Zealander.

I'm honestly worried that some day she'll win the lottery, come into my store with a smile on her face pass me an envelope whilst saying something like "You're going home, Danny" after passing me a one way ticket to Auckland.

Let's be fair this wouldn't be a bad thing. 

There's a sort of philosophy I live by in life. 

There's no point being a cunt. 

There's no point being a grumpy asshole, and once more even if you are don't take this out on people. So, whilst working I generally adopt this persona of the happiest person in the entire fucking universe.

It's almost sickening to witness, I am literally popular as hell with my customers because I'm that beautifully happy go lucky. However, this isn't without its problems. How the fuck do you respond to this? Usually it pans out like this.

Customer: Bleddy hell, you're a happy one aren't you.

Me: Ha, thanks I've no idea why though.

or

Customer: You're like, the happiest person in the world. Are you ever in a bad mood.

Me: Hmmmmmmm, I guess not actually, maybe next time you come in I'll act really grumpy just to confuse everyone.

Customer: Haha

Me: LOL! (Just kidding, I'd never actually say LOL, unless I genuinely laughed out loud, then I don't know what to do).

It's just another reason as to why I'm wonderful, I guess.

Alright, granted I've not had this in a long time, but I was already starting to run out of things I get a lot of so this'll have to do.

Again for those who don't know me, or just haven't noticed. I have a cool eye due to an incredibly high pigment count in me. Thus my right eye is split directly in the middle, half green, half brown. I'd upload a picture but there's no point right now seeing as it's 4am and pitch black in the room.

Anyway, the people who do notice this appear to have the same reactions.We're conversing, god only knows what about, and they'll be talking. 

Mid sentence, they'll quieten down and slow their speech until coming to an eventual stop, staring deep into my eyes. Silence for a moment. And then.....

"LOOK AT YOUR EYE!"

"Oh yeah, it's like kinda two colors"
"AIN'T IT WEIRRRRRD?".

Let's be fair this is usually when talking to people who are incredibly easily impressed, but hell it's a compliment on the beauty of my eyes, who the hell am I to argue.

I can't be assed to think of another five things I get a lot. I'm taking this as a good semi comeback blog.

Like I said, I'm back on Twitter, so you may as well follow me on that if you have it. That or like my Facebook page.

Much Love!

Danzo