Love is in the air! Cupid is busy with all of his heart arching, the time for appreciating love is now!
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It's Valentines Day!
Now I don't care about your opinion on Valentines day and you sure as hell don't care about mine (unless you do, then thanks.... I guess). However, it seems on the subject everybody on Facebook has an opinion on the matter, or at the very least a status.
Essentially whatever your state on the day is, single, married, in a relationship of hatred, lonely, "riding solo" I'm not sure if people still use that term but you can instantly tell why they are "riding solo", just a few minutes on Facebook will leave you shaking your head and thinking "Fuck offfff".
This is basically all you're going to see on Facebook this Valentines day.
Every single gift, neatly arranged.
For some reason, shit like this always makes it onto my news feed.
I know, I know you're happy that your "baybii" got you some chocolate. You've even got a rose which I'm sure this time of year must be absolutely torture to find.
But really, ask yourself. Is there really any need for the picture?
Is there any need to take the trouble to arrange it into a nice display, only to then be Instagrammed to a sepia tint for a few "I better like this" likes?
Nobody cares. Unless it's something actually decent, like I dunno a dog or something. A mountain of chocolate and some half priced wine isn't picture worthy, it's not even Instagram worthy which is saying something when food apparently is.
Mr/Ms Fucking lonely hearts.
I added the Ms to avoid stereotyping. Which is a pointless thing to do seeing as I've never actually seen a woman so desperate for a significant other on Facebook before.
Does anybody remember that really shitty awful song by Akon? Lonely I believe it was called. Yes? That's unfortunate.
But imagine the chorus of that song being the theme of your life. That repetitive high pitched stupid fucking chorus ringing day in, day out. Now imagine vocalising this to an online network of sorts for all to read.
GUYS!!!!
Seriously, chill the fuck out.
We've probably all been there yes. It's common, I've been 'that guy' you've probably been 'that guy'. But here's two very important lessons for you.
1: A girlfriend does not mean life validation, all of your woes in life won't heal because you've got a hand to hold.
2: You want a girlfriend so badly. Then stop acting like a whiny moron, your perspective partner isn't going to want a self loathing guy with the constant woe is me bullshit mentality you're public addressing.
Good grief, chill out about being lonely on Valentines day, it's only a day....
Only a day?
Ohhhhh shit.
THE VALENTINE'S DENIER
SOME PEOPLE CALL IT VALENTINE'S DAY.
I CALL IT THURSDAY.
Do you see this? Do you see the people posting it? Is it usually with their own little caption trying to be seemingly as unfunny as the sentence itself. "Uh huh huh huhhhh, yeah V day sux innit!/?!"
This is one of the most single handed stupid hypocritical posts I've seen on Facebook. And I've seen some shit on Facebook in my life.
Stop it.
The one that gets engaged.
Maybe chocolates and roses aren't really your thing, maybe you don't fancy wine. But holy shit you're really struggling for a great, ground breaking Valentine's gift here.
I KNOW!
Why don't you use all that creativity AND FUCKING PROPOSE WITH IT.
What is it with engagements now anyway? Once upon a time an engagement used to be a set up for marriage, now it's just a shameless thing for attention seeking couples to do on Facebook.
On my Facebook I've seen at least 10, maybe 15 people get engaged. They always do the same shitty status of "EEEEEE I'm engaged! Love you [Insert name here].
Would you like to know how many of these engagements I've seen turn into marriages.
One. Just one.
The rest either fizzled out, or they broke up the next week.
In fact I'd go as far to predict that if you get engaged on Valentine's day you're already halfway to some sort of break up. Could be horribly wrong, could be bang on the money. Who really knows.
THE VALENTINE'S HATER.
These people are especially annoying. They could be single, or even in a relationship but they will not rest until they've completely and utterly tried to shit all over your Valentines parade.
We all know the type.
"Valentine's day is just another corporate piece of shit. HEY EVERYBODY buy a card for your loved one to show you actually love them. Why has it got to be filled with commercial bullshit? I hope if you get a card and rose today you get a paper cut and fucking die.
Oh my god, shut the fuck up.
We get it, you dislike Valentine's day. You think it's pointless, you think it's commercial, you think everyone celebrating it is the next sheep in a crowd of people you think you're smarter and better than.
But unfortunately, nobody cares about your opinion.
Nobody cares about how you pissed on the doors of Clintons cards, and nobody cares if you believe you're spitting in the face of the establishment for hating on a pointless holiday.
Oh god no........
This was a status from girlfriend-face. My own girlfriend is one of those people. In fact she woke up yesterday morning and went to me "Ohh, it's Valentine's day tomorrow...... YUCK!".
Alright, I don't really care for Valentine's day but its existence doesn't offend me.
There comes a point where hating on a day becomes such an effort, it actually just makes you look stupid.
If you don't like Valentines day, so be it. Nobody's going to change their opinion on you.
If you don't want to acknowledge Valentines day, then tell every fucking person your plans to ignore it. Like I said before, this is what we call a contradiction.
I'm sure I'm going to forget something that we'll see on Valentines day. Feel free to update the list for me on my Facebook page. or just, y'know.... Leave a comment!
Much Love!
Danzo
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