If you're reading this chances are that you're still alive and kicking after the end of the world. Well done on that one, and furthermore thank you for reading this blog so close to the end, it's been an honour.
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I've even had the same flawed tactic when it comes to getting my advent calender. A decision that I'd later come to regret whilst in Morrisons searching for one.
In the end I had to settle for this.
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It's safe to say that Facebook has been monumentally filled with end of the world status's today, in the early afternoon I honestly think it'd be safe to say that every status was apocalypse related. Here are just a few status's from my feed today.
People that think the world gonna end in soo many minutes give ya head a wobble dafty's!
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The worlds still standing Lol I wonder how many people will be expecting something bad to happen today
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So, why do people flatly refuse the existence of God, with the accompanying myriad of philosophy and theology, but believe (and misinterpret) a wholly inaccurate solar calendar from an ancient civilization that itself attributed no significance to it's calendar?
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oh so the world keeps on spinning.. surprise surprise.. was a good excuse to get ballbagged though
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There seems to be a collective pattern in my Facebook that is quite striking. Of course, I'm in no place to criticize pointing out the end of the world, hell, I'm starting a blog post with the subject. But people seem to be offended to a degree that people even humoured the idea of it ending. Of course it wasn't going to end, it was just a nice little countdown to all go through together, acting bizarrely smug because the world didn't end might just be one of the most retarded things to actually happen in 2012.
"Ohhh look at that society! It's the 22nd December, AND I'M TYPING THIS, HYUK HYUK HYUK".
The dude who decided to spew out a thesaurus into his status got into a full blown pretentious argument with a guy about what's more believable; the Mayan prophecy, or the existence of god. Now I don't believe in god, and I'm certainly no expert on these things but I think the fact we're still alive negates from the validity of such a pointless argument, I also think it resulted in the two deleting each other. This is how seriously people have taken their weird superiority complex in Earth failing to end. I'm just going to go out one day, into a field of horses, examine each and everyone of them and condescendingly say to a group of people. "So, a field of horses, AND NOT ONE UNICORN, SURPRISE SURPRISE!"
But that said.
I am saddened by this. Not the fact that the world hasn't ended, Christ I'm not that depressive.
I first heard of news of the world ending when I was 13. I don't remember how, why or when but I remember reading on the internet that in 2012. THE WORLD WILL END.
I was just coming out of my wimpy stage at this point and didn't need another reason to freak the fuck out about something so far away, and so unrealistic. I saw a long assed article explaining the Mayan prophecy and why we're toast on doomsday. I avoided it, of course. I continued aimlessly browsing the web.
I don't know what I use to go onto back then on the internet, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't interesting enough to keep me distracted from my own future demise. I saw the article in the corner of my screen, almost seductively whispering to me "Click me! Click me Dan, you know you want to read me!".
I gave into temptation, and I clicked it, reading the opening paragraph half heartedly about who the Mayans were and why they were so wonderful, and then out of nowhere "Oh by the way guys, their calender ran out on this day.... So you know, it's over".
Disheartened by my own inability to not read how I was going to fucking die a movie style death, I sat at the desktop, still reading the article I was getting bummed out at, not once did it occur to me to type in "Why we're not going to die December 21st" or something, I think my mind just wanted to fuck with me enough, and that it did.
Next thing, I'm lying in bed pondering what fanatical way we're now going to die.
I think the very next day I searched drastically for "why the world won't end" and read a few counter arguments to this, which was responded with more arguments, I suppose back then because 2012 was quite a distance away the worlds demise could actually be subjective to debate. Then came my moment of clarity. I was 14, if the world ends in 2012 then who cares? It's so long away I'll be ancient by then. Yes, my 14 year old self believed that my life would probably be close to over at 22.
So I spent the next eight years of my life with the occasional thought of apocalypse in the back of my head, kinda like a gentle reminder to things. "Oh, today's my 20th birthday- WHICH MEANS I HAVE TWO YEARS TO LIVE!".
Weirdest/saddest thing was, I remember, December 21st 2009. In the office in work talking to a colleague about how we only have three years to live, we then joked about the mass inconvenience of the world ending whilst we're working on a Friday. I then thought to myself "Nahhh, I won't be doing the same shifts in three years time". And sailing so, I spent my end of the world in work. Depressing.
So that's that. We're alive, roll on whatever the next apocalypse whenever that's due, for now there's only one important thing on my mind.
Christmas is in three days. (At time of writing, by the time I gather motivation to finish writing this it'll probably be January).
Last year, I moaned that I was doing awfully bad at getting gifts for people due to my inability to realise it was so close to Christmas. Well, this year I seem to have taken this habit, held it as tight as possible and refused to let go of it because I've done the exact same thing this year, only I've left it later with next to no money at all, thankfully I get paid two days after Christmas (albeit I'm working all day that day) so I can find some time to post-Christmas shop, and use the new age excuse of "Oh it must not have arrived yet!".
I've even had the same flawed tactic when it comes to getting my advent calender. A decision that I'd later come to regret whilst in Morrisons searching for one.
In the end I had to settle for this.
This right here, no word of a lie is my advent calender, 2012. The chocolate tastes good but that doesn't negate from the fact that it's a fucking Barbie calender. Two years ago I had a High School Musical one, I thought that was a bit of an embarrassment but apparently I'm willing to outdo myself year in year out.
This led me to an odd thought though.
Advent calenders. When you're finished with them on Christmas day, you can usually take out the plastic inside, and cut out the game on the reverse side.
Who the fuck does that?
Who, on Christmas days finished their calender, has a possible array of presents to open momentarily and stops and thinks "Hold the phone, Mum! I'm cutting out this shitty little activity on the back of my calender".
The back of the Barbie one is just a bunch of weird cards you can cut out and wear as some sort of shitty I.D. That won't look lame Christmas day, will it?
As of writing this paragraph, it is now eight in the morning on Christmas eve. Usually this time is a completely foreign time to me, but I've decided to wake up incredibly early in order to be sleepy for later tonight ensuing a hopeful easy drift off into sleepyland for Christmas day, a fool proof plan you'd think but no matter how little sleep I've had I still fail at this.
Take five years ago.
It was the 23rd December 2007. Me, Dan and Luke had started off the evening by watching Disneys Enchanted, an all in all lovely movie. We then went to a few pubs, had a few drinks and had an actual very merry time with a bunch of strangers, it was also a beautiful time.
Midnight came and we didn't want to overdo it, so we called it a night Dan went home, whilst in my logic, I decided that we should go for a walk somewhere so we'd be tired for Christmas eve.
That walk was from the very place we were standing, to Ivybridge. People outside of Plymouth will be unfamiliar with this, so here's Google maps to help you picture this journey.
All in all, it turned out to be a fun filled journey, to get there and back it took us eight hours, during which I discovered that walking alongside the A38 at four in the morning is surreal as it is daunting.
I returned home at nine in the morning, fatigued, strained and utterly exhausted. "Wonderful! This will work wonders in me getting an early night". I thought to myself, as I sat down on my bed and played a bit of Tomb Raider, it was at this point where I kept dying on the same fucking bit, turned the game off and FELL A FUCKING SLEEP.
I woke up later three in the afternoon, refreshed, no longer tired and pissed off at my seemingly wasted eight hour walk.
I don't think I actually managed to sleep that night, and I'll no doubt fail again tonight despite being up so early, hell I might write a blog that time just as a sort of live update.
I was about to get into a small rant about Christmas carols, but d'ya know what? I think that's another blog post, one I'll write immediately.
So, until then. That's my Christmas transgression. Awake stupidly early, with a stupid Barbie calender, as the world still turns.
It's all good.
Have a very, lovely Christmas.
Much Love!
Dan
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