A few weeks ago I went into the local Disney store. No particular reason, the Disney store is just a haven of awesome stuff, awesome stuff costing an arm and a leg but it's always nice to window shop.
Then I got to the Pixar section.
Now, I understand that making a CGI character into a plush toy is no easy feat, and to a degree they did a fantastic job with most lovable and iconic characters. Wall-E, Nemo, Toy Story alien all more or less picture perfect.
Then there's James 'Sulley' P Sullivan. The lovable giant snuggly monster from Monsters Inc. Just to refresh your memory here's what he looks like in the Pixar movie.
He's got a pretty distinguished face, but it shouldn't be too hard to capture the magic in a cuddly little pal form I'd expect. Well, this was the plush I encountered that started this whole ugly affair.
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Kinda looks as if Sulley was dropped on his head as a monster cub (What is the baby name for a monster? Monsterette? MiniMon?) as a result he just spends his days bumbling around with his missing fang, and lazy eye, one of which larger than the other might I have. No wonder he's Monsters Inc top scarer.
But this made me ponder if there's any such thing as a relevant looking Sulley plush. The hunt was on as I scoured toy websites for the closest thing to the real James Sullivan.
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Then I got to the Pixar section.
Now, I understand that making a CGI character into a plush toy is no easy feat, and to a degree they did a fantastic job with most lovable and iconic characters. Wall-E, Nemo, Toy Story alien all more or less picture perfect.
Then there's James 'Sulley' P Sullivan. The lovable giant snuggly monster from Monsters Inc. Just to refresh your memory here's what he looks like in the Pixar movie.
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| "Hoy goys!" |
He's got a pretty distinguished face, but it shouldn't be too hard to capture the magic in a cuddly little pal form I'd expect. Well, this was the plush I encountered that started this whole ugly affair.
Kinda looks as if Sulley was dropped on his head as a monster cub (What is the baby name for a monster? Monsterette? MiniMon?) as a result he just spends his days bumbling around with his missing fang, and lazy eye, one of which larger than the other might I have. No wonder he's Monsters Inc top scarer.
But this made me ponder if there's any such thing as a relevant looking Sulley plush. The hunt was on as I scoured toy websites for the closest thing to the real James Sullivan.
It didn't go well.
Here's out first find.
Already I'm beginning to sense a slight problem. Even for a beasting monster that is the Sullmeister all form of fear is taken out of something when its mouth is literally on your right cheek. He has such a loving simple doofus kind of look to him, possibly flagging down a monster-cabbie whilst sitting on the side of the road for a trip for some eye-scream.(Bu-dum-tish)
I'll be fair, this isn't a terrible effort for a cartoon cushion. But Sulley does kind of look like he's having a really satisfying dump, which is probably hard to do seeing as he's now just a large chinned head sitting on some kids floor.
Alright, now what the fuck is this? I'm yet to see Monsters university so perhaps I'm missing some incredibly relevant character development ploys here, but how fucking irritatingly smug do these pair of assholes look?
Mike, with his cheek mouth and stupid backpack being the sly sidekick to the big brute Jimmy P. Who might I add is actually ready to deal some GBH, he has his FUCKING FIST CLENCHED. He is literally about to pulverize some unsuspecting monster. On top of that, he's pulling off some sinister/satisfied look. He is going to fuck you up, and take extreme pleasure over it.
Prick.
How much worst can uni Sulley be, anywhom?
Fuck Sullz, what's going on with you lately? You've gained like, 25lbs in little over a week, most of it has gone to your neck, you have a camel-toe, and you look as if you you're meant to be dribbling at an alarming rate.
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| ME SULLEY ME GWAAHHHHHH |
This could in fact be the closest representation of Sulley we'll ever see in plush form. That said, there's just something ever so eerie about him that I can't really get my head around. I think it's the wide eyed, gormless face he's pulling. As if upon waking up one stormy night you see him in that exact pose, sitting at the foot of your bed, not uttering a single word.
Well there goes both the smug and gormless look, he now just looks fucking brain dead.
Fucking hell.
Among the many toy makers out there, it would appear they all seriously disagree over how much Sulley actually weighs. This particular toy appears to be in the morbidly obese pile. Hell, even poor Sulley's face is being shrouded by furry fat, so much so that I can't comment on his facial expressions because I can't even make it out over the amount of chins he now possesses. Where's his fucking mouth???
Not gonna lie, I'm unsettled by this one.
On the one hand, he looks as if he's just cured one fuck of a violent itch.
But on the other, it looks like he's halfway through one hell of a monster fueled cocaine binge. He genuinely looks kinda demonic, which kinda makes sense seeing as he's a seven foot monster.
I'm beginning to sense some sort of pattern here. We seem to go from 'Fat Sulley' to 'Brain dead Sulley' in a methodical way. This variety of brain dead Sulley looks as if he shouldn't even know words, he just happily grunts on a periodic basis, rocking back and forth accordingly.
Sulley is not impressed with your shit. Knock if off.
What the loving ever loving fuck is going on with Sulley in this design? We've had fat, smug, stern, and brain dead Sullivans I never would have predicted we'd see an absolutely horrified Sulley. He looks as if he's actually browsing the web and witnessing these pictures of his apparent look himself.
Never in my life have I seen pure disappointed shock and horror in a monster before, it's pretty special when you witness that this look is portrayed in a childs toy.
A cuddle blanket? I assume.... It looks a thing of pure misunderstood evil however. As if it's a sausage dog, flattened and then caught up in the whole Chernobyl situation. Only piece of dialogue I can expect it coming out with is a piercing high pitched hiss. (Whilst happy to see you of course).
Good fucking god man, are you even trying anymore? Whilst they've impressively almost got him standing on his tip toes, they've made his horns flat as a pancake, they've made him like, three shades darker than he needs to be.......And.......and his face man. He looks the happiest I've ever seen him, but in a kinda innocent way. If they ever make a movie like Monsters playschool then this could actually be a good representation of baby Sulley. Other than that I'll remain on edge about this whole sordid affair.
Now I've put myself in the mood to watch Monsters Inc.
Much Love!
Dan
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