I am pretty awesome, this much is pretty much inarguable which is why so many people have the mimic effect on me, especially my younger cousin.
You see, I'm that cool older cousin, the sort in which younger cousins will take every word I say and love it momentously, and/or share a burning desire for my hobbies, it's pretty fun knowing that I can influence them with this.
My cousin Matthew is the prime candidate of this, it appears I can give him a push towards an obsession quite easily.
Despite this, Matthew is incredibly annoying, he's your typical ten year old "Man I wish I could punch him in the fucking eye" child. Loud, irritating and spoiled knowing that nobody actually goes through with their threats when he's being a dick.
It's also worth noting that he's a Youtube addict, browsing mercilessly at awful, pointless videos all over the web, from Spongebob episodes, to people playing Call of Duty (Again.... He's ten) to clips of 9/11 (Ten). He's also one of the now, many, many people who stick their head as close to the screen as humanly possible when watching the screen.
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For some reason, whether I was feeling bitter, or just generally felt like a dick that day, his inability to separate his face from the computer screen really pissed me off. I stood above him rubbing his face against the screen as if it were some sort of scrub.
"Matthew, get your face away from the computer, you moron" I critically demanded, all I got was a high pitched murmur.
"Oi, get your face away from the computer I said"
"MURURRRRRRRRRHHHHH" (Closest I could get to the sound he made).
Fucking hell.
Part of me wanted to slightly nudge his head so it'd collide with the screen, thus technically assaulting the computer, and my cousin, so I thought of a more ingenious plan.
You're using the internet, you're reading a blog I probably don't have to explain to you what a screamer video is. If you however do, here's urban dictionary's take on it.
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I'll keep you posted on if he ends up killing anybody, live updates will be kept On my Facebook wall! So you may as well sign up, right?
Much Love
Danzo
Screamer man.
You see, I'm that cool older cousin, the sort in which younger cousins will take every word I say and love it momentously, and/or share a burning desire for my hobbies, it's pretty fun knowing that I can influence them with this.
My cousin Matthew is the prime candidate of this, it appears I can give him a push towards an obsession quite easily.
Despite this, Matthew is incredibly annoying, he's your typical ten year old "Man I wish I could punch him in the fucking eye" child. Loud, irritating and spoiled knowing that nobody actually goes through with their threats when he's being a dick.
It's also worth noting that he's a Youtube addict, browsing mercilessly at awful, pointless videos all over the web, from Spongebob episodes, to people playing Call of Duty (Again.... He's ten) to clips of 9/11 (Ten). He's also one of the now, many, many people who stick their head as close to the screen as humanly possible when watching the screen.
"Matthew, get your face away from the computer, you moron" I critically demanded, all I got was a high pitched murmur.
"Oi, get your face away from the computer I said"
"MURURRRRRRRRRHHHHH" (Closest I could get to the sound he made).
Fucking hell.
Part of me wanted to slightly nudge his head so it'd collide with the screen, thus technically assaulting the computer, and my cousin, so I thought of a more ingenious plan.
You're using the internet, you're reading a blog I probably don't have to explain to you what a screamer video is. If you however do, here's urban dictionary's take on it.
A youtube video or a Flash game used as a practical joke to try and scare the viewer or the player abruptly. It starts out quiet, so the victim is forced to turn up the volume. After about a minute or two, a maxed out volume scream is heard occupied with a frightening image. |
Matthew had no idea what was about to hit him, no longer would I have to watch his face form a relationship with a computer monitor, and no longer would I have to hear numerous car crash videos. I loaded up the car advert screamer, which set us up with peaceful music, as a car gently drove through a peaceful terrain. It was quiet, blissful and peace ensuing, and then. WAHHHHHHHHH.
A grey, demon looking woman appeared on screen, screeching at maximum volume. This alone has made me jump countless times. I knew it'd do the trick for Matthew.
"Oh, Matthew I've found an awesome car crash video, let's check it out"
"Okay then".
I distracted him slightly as I typed in the spoiling name of the video and made sure to not let on anything would happen with the comments. It was just a matter of time now.
I stood in a sort of silenced giddiness, knowing what was about to happen, of course I had to stay cool though, knowing my luck he'd unglue himself from the screen just at the pivotal moment. He was visibly starting to get bored, I could see his body language suggesting that it was nearly time to switch videos. But then, the scream, that horrible yet oh so beautiful scream.
Matthew watched the screen in a state of shock for about three seconds. Three. Two. One. Tears forming. Lip quivering. He left the chair and ran away crying. I was victorious.
Victory is a shallow word, well it was in this case anyway, for you see Matthew stopped watching videos so close to the screen, hell I'm not even sure I've seen him that close to a computer screen ever again, this at the time was my victory, this at the time was me saving myself the stress of watching a child inches away from a screen. This was three, maybe four years ago now.
To this day, I am fucking suffering for it.
Somehow I psychologically murdered my now ten year old cousin, he only occasionally spoke about "the scary videos" every so often until early last year. Now he appears to be at some sort of screamer related breakdown. I'll elaborate the best I can.
I go to my granddads house one day, Matthew is there most days of the week as usual. Normally we talk about mundane crap like football, or why Pokemon is better than every single television show he watches, but instead this time he starts asking me about that car screamer, so I decide to take his mind off it by playing him a game on the laptop.... Namely the infamous hand/eye co-ordination test.
This one pans out wonderfully because you genuinely don't see this coming. The "test" starts you off with a simple repetition exercise, a few lights flash in a pattern and you simply follow the pattern.
Then you have to squat a fly on your screen as quick as possible, again simple enough.
The third and final task is also simple, follow a small red dot around a maze with your cursor, halfway through however the game is interrupted with another piercing scream. Again, Matthew freaked the fuck out..
He also witnessed the rocking chair screamer at some point.
Now though, upon every visit to my granddad or every time I see him at least I am ransacked with questions about different screamers. This is a few questions I probably get upon every visit.
"What screamers have you seen?"
"What's the scariest screamer?"
"What are your top five favorite screamers?"
"Are there any new screamers?"
"What was the first screamer you ever seen?"
"When did you watch it?"
"Did you scream?"
"What did [Insert name here] when you showed them the screamer?"
"What happens in it?"
The list could probably go on and on, after being what I can imagine a screamer representative would feel like I tried to go for the "Why don't you just watch them?" approach and booted up Youtube.
Holy shit.
For a child who's so obsessed with videos dedicated to scaring people, you'd think he'd actually watch them, but instead he appears to have developed a deep form of anxiety to me going anywhere near Youtube in his sight.
I could type something, anything...Into the search bar of Youtube and he'll either try his best to wrestle away the laptop from me, or simply run away, only returning when he wants more juicy screamer gossip.
This however does not stop him watching Screamer reactions on the web, he even sees the screamer itself in the background of the reaction video so he has a pretty good inkling on the video, but still. I'm quizzed. He sees people reacting in the forms of screams, tears, tantrums and hyperbolic reaction for the camera which end up looking fucking hideously stupid "OH MAN, THAT SCARED ME SOME SHIT IM'MA SMASH MY LAPTOP UP"
A few weeks ago, our shower was broken and thus me and girlfriend-face had to use my granddads shower for a month or so, I of course have my shower whilst girlfriend-face waited in the kitchen. I had my shower, all naked and whatnot and overheard Matthew quizzing her over.... You guessed it, SCREAMERS!
Whilst she sat there and probably contemplated her life for a while, I merely stood in the bathroom, smug that it wasn't actually happening to me............ Then I left, and it happened to me all over again.
I'll enter the room, his face will light up and he'll actually scream "SCREAMER MAN!!!". This is my tag to him now, not Dan, not Danzo, not even cousin.... Screamer man. I am the man who to him, is an expert in screamers, this is actually the probable key word of depressing.
As of right now, he quizzes me on what the screamer girl looks like, sometimes joking that he wants to have sex with it (HE'S TEN!). I genuinely fear this will turn into some sort of fetish in the future in which will make headlines someday. Maybe he'll turn into Luke Webster, I don't know what the worst case scenario to this will be. I yearn for the day where I see him and he doesn't instantly ask me a question about differential screamers. On the bright side he'll be a huge disruption in his ICT class, which is probably just one shining example of myself, so I'll call it a victory. A hollow, potentially devastating victory, but a victory nonetheless.
I'm trying desperately to show him a new potential obsession, if it's good enough for me to obsess over it's more than enough for him, and I'd happily talk to him for hours on end about it, because nobody else wants to with me.
This however, is the result I got when trying to show him a clip from The Avengers.
I go to my granddads house one day, Matthew is there most days of the week as usual. Normally we talk about mundane crap like football, or why Pokemon is better than every single television show he watches, but instead this time he starts asking me about that car screamer, so I decide to take his mind off it by playing him a game on the laptop.... Namely the infamous hand/eye co-ordination test.
This one pans out wonderfully because you genuinely don't see this coming. The "test" starts you off with a simple repetition exercise, a few lights flash in a pattern and you simply follow the pattern.
Then you have to squat a fly on your screen as quick as possible, again simple enough.
The third and final task is also simple, follow a small red dot around a maze with your cursor, halfway through however the game is interrupted with another piercing scream. Again, Matthew freaked the fuck out..
He also witnessed the rocking chair screamer at some point.
Now though, upon every visit to my granddad or every time I see him at least I am ransacked with questions about different screamers. This is a few questions I probably get upon every visit.
"What screamers have you seen?"
"What's the scariest screamer?"
"What are your top five favorite screamers?"
"Are there any new screamers?"
"What was the first screamer you ever seen?"
"When did you watch it?"
"Did you scream?"
"What did [Insert name here] when you showed them the screamer?"
"What happens in it?"
The list could probably go on and on, after being what I can imagine a screamer representative would feel like I tried to go for the "Why don't you just watch them?" approach and booted up Youtube.
Holy shit.
For a child who's so obsessed with videos dedicated to scaring people, you'd think he'd actually watch them, but instead he appears to have developed a deep form of anxiety to me going anywhere near Youtube in his sight.
I could type something, anything...Into the search bar of Youtube and he'll either try his best to wrestle away the laptop from me, or simply run away, only returning when he wants more juicy screamer gossip.
This however does not stop him watching Screamer reactions on the web, he even sees the screamer itself in the background of the reaction video so he has a pretty good inkling on the video, but still. I'm quizzed. He sees people reacting in the forms of screams, tears, tantrums and hyperbolic reaction for the camera which end up looking fucking hideously stupid "OH MAN, THAT SCARED ME SOME SHIT IM'MA SMASH MY LAPTOP UP"
A few weeks ago, our shower was broken and thus me and girlfriend-face had to use my granddads shower for a month or so, I of course have my shower whilst girlfriend-face waited in the kitchen. I had my shower, all naked and whatnot and overheard Matthew quizzing her over.... You guessed it, SCREAMERS!
Whilst she sat there and probably contemplated her life for a while, I merely stood in the bathroom, smug that it wasn't actually happening to me............ Then I left, and it happened to me all over again.
I'll enter the room, his face will light up and he'll actually scream "SCREAMER MAN!!!". This is my tag to him now, not Dan, not Danzo, not even cousin.... Screamer man. I am the man who to him, is an expert in screamers, this is actually the probable key word of depressing.
As of right now, he quizzes me on what the screamer girl looks like, sometimes joking that he wants to have sex with it (HE'S TEN!). I genuinely fear this will turn into some sort of fetish in the future in which will make headlines someday. Maybe he'll turn into Luke Webster, I don't know what the worst case scenario to this will be. I yearn for the day where I see him and he doesn't instantly ask me a question about differential screamers. On the bright side he'll be a huge disruption in his ICT class, which is probably just one shining example of myself, so I'll call it a victory. A hollow, potentially devastating victory, but a victory nonetheless.
I'm trying desperately to show him a new potential obsession, if it's good enough for me to obsess over it's more than enough for him, and I'd happily talk to him for hours on end about it, because nobody else wants to with me.
This however, is the result I got when trying to show him a clip from The Avengers.
I'll keep you posted on if he ends up killing anybody, live updates will be kept On my Facebook wall! So you may as well sign up, right?
Much Love
Danzo
Screamer man.